Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
