We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We had to coat check the pizza.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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