1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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