no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
