Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
