If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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