Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
