im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
