Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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