Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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