She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
