fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
