hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
