Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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