tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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