he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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