This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
