My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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