honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
