The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
