I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
