dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
