He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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