Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
