M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
