She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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