did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
