I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
