Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sarcasm needs its own font
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The struggles of a small town man whore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
