pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
