So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
