Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
