listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
