Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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