and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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