very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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