Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
