R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
