She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
