no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We need to rekindle our bromance
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
