We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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