Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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