The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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