Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
