You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry about my life...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
