That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
