Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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