The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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