Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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