There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
