We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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