I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
