So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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