There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
