Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
