Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
