After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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