sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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