bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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