can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
