My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
