I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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