I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
