shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
