Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
