Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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