fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
