He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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