My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
