I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
