i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
