new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
